One day, Pinocchio met up with his pa, Geppetto to catch up on life. Geppetto was excited to hear that his young bachelor son has found himself a girlfriend. When the conversation turned to sex, Pinocchio was sadden.

“Nothing’s happening with that at all. Every time we come close, she’d get scared off by splinters.”

“Not to worry,” said Geppetto. “I’ve got just the thing for you.” He pulled a small box from his workbench and took the items out one by one.

“Now first, take this 180 grit sandpaper and rub it down the entire length until it feels smooth. Then do the same thing with the 220 grit, followed by the 320 grit. Next, put some of this linseed oil on a cloth and rub it in real good. Three or four coats should do it. When it all dries, lightly rub with this steelwool for a smooth finish. After this, there shouldn’t be any worries about splinter at all.”

Pinocchio was delighted and took off the give the finishing technique a try. A few weeks later, Pinocchio and Geppetto got together again. During their conversation, Geppetto asked how things were going with the girlfriend.

Pinocchio replied, “Oh, we broke up. Who needs a girlfriend when I have sandpaper.”