Understanding Engineers - Take One

Two engineering students crossing the park when one said, "Where did
you get such a great bike?"

The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday
minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike.
She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said,
"Take what you want."

The first engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes
probably wouldn't have fit."
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Understanding Engineers - Take Two

To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass
is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it
needs to be.
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Understanding Engineers - Take Three

A priest, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with
these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!"

The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such
ineptitude!"

The priest said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a
word with him." "Hi George! Say, what's with that group ahead of us?
They're rather slow, aren't they?"

The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind
firefighters.
They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so
we always let them play for free anytime."

The group was silent for a moment. The priest said, "That's so sad.
I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."

The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my
ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for
them."

The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"
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Understanding Engineers - Take Four

What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil
Engineers?

Mechanical Engineers build weapons and Civil Engineers build targets.
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Understanding Engineers - Take Five

"Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it."

Engineers believe that "if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough
features yet"
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Understanding Engineers - Take Six

An engineer was crossing a road one-day when a frog called out to
him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."

He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog
spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a
beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."

The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and
returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me
and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING
you want."

Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back
into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've
told you I'm a beautiful princess, and that I'll stay with you for a
week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"

The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a
girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."