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This is for everybody who can remember the good old days when we listened to records instead of CD's: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=No5neHPjeKk Doesn't he know a quarter placed on the tonearm will fix this problem?
He also needs a 4,000 dollar record clamp and you can't live without the 2,000 dollar record cleaning machine. He sounds like he got a copy where the hole was punched off-center.
Certainly needs something expensive. For the right price I'm sure we can fix him up.